【2006 Archives】

Sean Spicer handed in his resignation letter to President Trump today006 Archivesboy, are we worried.

Contrary to conventional guidance counselor wisdom, the man appears to have left his job without acquiring a new one. So angered was he by the administration's constant lies and deception -- sorry, the appointment of Anthony Scaramucci -- that he resigned, effective immediately.

Spicey, we'd love to help.

SEE ALSO: Reporters react to Sean Spicer's departure

Below are a list of possible career options for Spicer now that he's free of Trump and able to go wherever his stocky heart pleases.

1. Reregister as an Independent and appear on MSNBC as a #NoMoreTrump conservative.

Right wing Republicans have been cashing it on MSNBC and CNN simply by branding themselves as sassy disenchanted conservatives who hate Trump.

2. Join a start-up PR firm with Frederick Douglass, whose contributions are being recognized more and more.

Credit: library of congress/Getty Images

3. Go back to his old job as the White House Easter bunny.

Sean Spicer can rest easy knowing he will be remembered as the greatest White House Easter Bunny who ever lived. pic.twitter.com/L8WbzS21i4

— Brooke Rogers (@bkerogers) July 21, 2017

Spicer absolutely shined as a 7' foot human rodent.

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4. Become a silent bodyguard outside of a Boston nightclub.

Credit: cheriss may/NurPhoto via Getty Images

Sean Spicer is one of the thickest, most compact human beings to have ever stood at that podium. I would gladly have him protect me from some of the largest known bros in the universe.

5. Backpack around the world and make money by writing a blog about it

This is the career of choice for approximately 100 percent of shitty people I went to college with.

6. Become a yoga teacher

This is the career that inevitably follows when you choose career #5.

7. Forget normie "jobs." Take an improv class!

Credit: chip somodevilla/Getty Images

When boring people think about taking risks, their brain first goes to "improv comedy," where they are confident they would have shined if only they hadn't listened to Daddy and chosen a more traditional career.

8. Become an actual clown

It's not so far from what he was doing in his last job, anyways.

9. Get really into rollerblading

Via Giphy

Rollerblading is the exercise of choice for DC's down-and-out.

10. Consider landscape architecture

Spicer has already shown a strange affinity for bushes and the unique protection they offer.

11. Write that goddamn book already

Whatever, forget ideas #1-10. It's a matter of time before Spicer writes a tell-all book about the Trump administration and every lie, gross representation and dangerous accusation he made is forgiven.

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