【Secret Confessions (2025) No Label Episode 45】

This post is Secret Confessions (2025) No Label Episode 45part of Mashable'sMasturbation Week. May is National Masturbation Month, so we're celebrating by exploring the many facets of self-love.

We have dozens upon dozens of verbal euphemisms for masturbation: jerking off, shucking the corn, paddling the pink canoe among them. But, as the age-old adage declares, a picture is worth a thousand words, which means GIFs are worth at least a million.

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SEE ALSO: Nice: Here are 50 of the funniest euphemisms for masturbation

So behold: A collection of GIFs that could -- and should -- be used to symbolize masturbation. They range from very obvious to something a little more subtle, and the dirtier mind you have the more amusing this journey of simulated self-love will be.

Ariel knows that things are definitely better down where it's wetter.

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This rabbit is getting funky with his chicken. Shake that chicken, man. Shake it real good.

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Cue all the horrible male-written lines about vaginas being delicate flowers.

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Playing the Nintendo Wii is supposed to be fun and family-friendly. Just make sure you hold the Wiimote at an appropriate angle.

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That sure is...one way to stroke a post. Good ol' Amish Wood Milk to the rescue.

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This man is very intense about revving up his machine.

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Remember Rick Santorum? That one Republican dude who ran for president in 2012? Now you'll never forget.

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Shake Weights honestly deserve their own special category.

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This one is called the "Masturbation Frustration."

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It's Bill Nye the Science Guy, so it's scientific and educational.

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We all know the real reason why Tom Hanks' character in Castaway is nearly nude and furiously stroking his arm back and forth.

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It's just a ferret being washed in foamy, white soap, duh.

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This is how dudes think masturbation with a vagina works.

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When really, it takes more of a delicate hand.

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Till you get that bloom of an orgasm.

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Just rub that magic lamp, Aladdin, and all your wishes will come true.

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This one may be a stretch, but it totally works: The slow back and forth motion builds up heat and allows for an orgasmic flavor combination.

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This slowly stroking hand creates some love on that piece of bread.

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For those who prefer more of a rhythmic insertion, these engine gears will get you all hot and bothered.

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Or perhaps the slow flick of this avocado pit will do the trick.

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Of course, there's the classic problem of finishing unexpectedly. But you're still gonna enjoy it.

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If all these GIFS got you hot and bothered, never fear: This should cool you right off.

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