【Ejaculate Me So i’m Tired】

April Fools' Day: the best day of the year. Everyone is Ejaculate Me So i’m Tiredpranking one another, having a good time, laughing, and nobody is ever annoyed or angry in the slightest.

It's the perfect day!

I love pranks and I am always down for a good one. But sometimes the pranks, unfortunately, do not go as planned. Here are four April Fools' Day pranks I pulled that went very wrong and I am very sorry for them.

1. The Old “Immovable Quarter” Prank.

April 1, 2013: It was a warm afternoon. I was on my lunch break and eating outside on a picnic table in the park when I decided to have a little fun. I went back to my car and grabbed some glue and a quarter and glued it to the ground so I could laugh at all the passersby who tried to pick it up. Within minutes, a man bent down to grab the coin and could not lift it. I laughed and laughed but nobody else seemed to think it was funny. Instead, to my bewilderment, everybody tried to help him pick it up.

Before I knew it, upwards of 200 people were in the park desperately trying to get this coin off the ground to no avail.

“The coin is cursed!” someone shouted.

“Nay! It’s possessed!” a reply came, followed by intense deliberation from the crowd. One after another tried and failed, all to my delight as I sat alone at my table. But soon, their eyes turned to me. Their accusing eyes.

“You did this!” they would shout.

“He is a servant of The Devil!” another yelled. Most of them were brandishing torches and pitchforks by now. I got scared and ran.

The mob chased me for 7 miles before they started to tail off. I didn’t stop running until I was in the next state over. I immediately rented an apartment where my legs gave out and began my new life.

2. The Shaken Up Beer Can Prank

April 1, 2014: I went to a small house party of a friend of a friend. It was a modest house -- two floors, carpet staircase, and a 72” TV for us to watch the big game. Everyone was so excited for the big game that nobody was talking about how it was April Fools' Day, the greatest day of the year. I took it upon myself to have a little fun. So, I snuck into the kitchen and shook a single can of beer for several seconds. I left it front and center in the fridge, so the next person who wanted a beer would almost definitely grab it.

Satisfied with my prank, I headed back into the living room. But little did I know, Li Keqiang, Premier of China, was not only invited to the party but on his way to the fridge. I was unfortunately unable to stop him in time and all I could do is watch in horror as he opened the Prank Beer and foam sprayed all over his face -- ruining his nice suit. He marched out of the house cursing the United States and I am deeply sorry.

3. The Classic Sugar And Salt Switcheroo.

April 1, 2015: It was a sunny yet brisk morning. I stepped out to visit the local restaurant with a friend of mine. Garth was his name. I did not see Garth much, as he was married with three children, so this was a real treat for us both. We went to the diner on my block -- our usual spot -- and we both got the ham and pepper omelette (another tradition).

Garth excused himself to use the restroom when I spied on the calendar that it was April 1st.

“Of course! How could I forget my favorite day of the year?” I thought. I quickly went to work, replacing all of the salt in the table salt shaker with sugar. He sat back down and I could hardly contain my grin.

He immediately picked up the “salt” shaker and began to eat his omelette. He took a bite and winced and I let out a laugh, wrongly thinking he would take it in jest. He rose to his feet.

“HOW COULD YOU?” he yelled. “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?” His voice was rising. Everybody in the diner was looking at us now. “YOU WERE LIKE A BROTHER TO ME!” he yelled again, tears welled in his eyes.

He made his way for the exit. I followed him out but he didn’t stop. He got in a taxi and said “Drive me into the ocean.”

That was the last time I ever heard from him.

4. The "Plastic Wrap Over the Shampoo Bottle" Trick.

April 1, 2016: Life was good. I had recently been let go at work, though I was doing just fine -- better than ever. I was living with a roommate. He worked a 9-to-5 so I had a lot of time to lie around the house and write screenplay about a guy who wrongly goes to prison for murder and then spends 20 years tunneling his way out with a rock hammer.

I had been at it awhile so I decided to take a break and check my phone. And then I saw it. It was April Fools' Day. I just had to prank my my roommate. So, I took his shampoo bottle, unscrewed the cap, and covered the opening with plastic wrap. When he squeezed it, nothing would come out. I was chuckling just thinking about it.

Finally, the time came. He got home from work and immediately went to the shower. I waited near the bathroom so when he came out I could tell him it was all a goof. But something else happened. He rushed out of the bathroom in just a towel, panic in his eyes.

“It was them,” he said.

“It was who?” I asked, concerned.

“It was the aliens. They did this to me. They are after me,” he explained, rather calmly.

“What?” I asked.

“IT WAS THE ALIENS!” he was yelling now. His eyes were wide open and I was scared. “DON’T YOU GET IT? YOU ARE NOT SAFE HERE. WHERE ARE THE GUNS? WHERE IS MY GUN? WHERE IS MY GUN?” he bellowed.

He grabbed his gun from his bedroom, walked outside, and began firing into the sky. Minutes later the police showed up and whisked him away. I did not know this would happen. I am so sorry.