The maternal eroticismDark Tower is a movie that we thought would be really cool. It sounds great, it's based on Stephen King's novels, and it had awesome trailers.
But honestly, according to Mashable's Angie Han, it's just boring. As much as we want to like the Idris Elba/Matthew McConaughey mashup of King's classic books, it just didn't do it for us.
SEE ALSO: Everything you need to know about the multiverse in 'The Dark Tower'Don't believe us? Here's what other people have to say about the long-awaited film version of King's novels.
Darren Franich, Entertainment Weekly:
"Somehow, this adaptation successfully focuses in on the precise plot elements that make The Dark Towerseem like the tenth variation of whatever The Mortal Instrumentswas: A moody special kid, a faintly goth secret subterranean society, the world at stake, secret monsters among us. Rarely has bleak grittiness ever looked so utterly inauthentic."
Stephen Whitty, New York Daily News:
"Reduced to a single movie, Stephen King’s multi-volume magnum opus is dark, all right — but in a bad way. The cinematography is murky. Motivations are shadowy.
And a good reason to watch? That’s even harder to see."
Molly Freeman, ScreenRant:
All in all, The Dark Towerisn’t the movie that fans of King’s novels have been waiting decades to see on the big screen. With a new story, condensed mythology, underdeveloped characters, and a fairly simplistic Hero’s Journey arc – save the Tower, save the world – The Dark Towerdoesn’t actively improve upon the source material and fans of King’s universe will likely find it lacking.
Abraham Riesman, Vulture:
"The exact box-office returns are unknowable at this point, but a Varietyreport suggests that test screenings have been somewhat disastrous, leading to major, last-minute recuts. Those are pretty apparent in the finished product, which is extremely rapid-fire and only runs for about an hour and a half — far shorter than one would expect from a franchise-starting tentpole. One doesn’t get the sense that there’s much confidence for more big-screen installments."
Charles Bramesco, The Guardian:
"While sitting through this uniquely flavorless slog, a viewer jolts out of a waking sleep every five minutes or so to realize that they have not internalized a thing. Nikolaj Arcel’s efforts to translate and condense Stephen King’s long-running series of densely mythologized novels amount to being a western without the majesty of the west, a fantasy without anything even coming close to being fantastic."
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