【Tamil Archives】

The Tamil Archivesstretch of time between placing your Seamless order and breaking a plastic fork out of its wrapper to eat that Seamless order is unlike anything else.

The hunger takes over your body and mind, causing a stream of lucid thoughts, simultaneously propelling you closer to and further away from nourishment and contentment.

Here are 50 thoughts I have while waiting for my Seamless order:

• $12.50, that's not so bad.

• Ugh, I'm so hungry.

• It's only a 40-50 minute wait time. I can totally make it that long.

• Oh perfect, Jeopardy! is on.

• Maybe just a quick snack to tide me over.

• What is "Like A Virgin"?

• These pretzels are kind of stale, maybe if I dip them in some hummus they'll taste better.

• Ohhhh, "Material Girl."

• This rain really isn't letting up.

• Yay, a text message!

• "Breaking News: Your Seamless order is being prepared. Our crystal ball estimates your delivery time between 8:25 PM and 8:35 PM."

• Ugh, I was hoping it would be from Jeff.

• What is the Italian Renaissance?

• Shoot, how did this bag of pretzels get empty?

• YESSS I totally paid attention in Art History class.

• Wait, did I order chicken or beef?

• Oh phew, I ordered chicken. Pad Thai is so much better with chicken.

• OUCH, why is there a pebble on my floor? I have to clean more.

• Where are the stupid Swiffer refills?

• If this was the '90s I wouldn't need Swiffer refills. I would just have a broom.

• Why don't I have a broom? I'm an adult, I should have a broom. Just because Swiffers are relevant doesn't mean brooms have to become obsolete.

• Another text message. My phone is so far away, though. And it's probably not Jeff, anyway.

• They make brooms with zebra prints?! That is so cute!

• "Your Seamless order is on the way and should be delivered between 8:35 PM and 8:45 PM, according to a crystal ball we deep fried."

• Yay! I'm so glad I picked up my phone.

• Wait, $14 for this broom? Damn. I wonder if Mom would pay for that.

• Womp. Now I have all this extra hummus and no pretzels.

• How would Amazon even mail me a broom? Does it fold in half? It can't be a very sturdy broom if it folds in half.

• I hope the Seamless delivery guy isn't weird. Maybe I'll pretend my roommate is home when he gets here. Like I'll call out, "Rachel! Food's here!"

• Rachel did leave some pita in the freezer, I wonder if she'd mind if I just had one piece? She wouldn't want all this hummus to go to waste just because I had nothing to dip in it.

• But calling out a woman's name isn't threatening. I should pretend it's like my husband or something.

• Yeah, that's it! I'll call out, "Jeff! Food's here!"

• But Jeff isn't a very intimidating name. Maybe something like "Vlad" is better.

• "Vlad! Food's here!" Yeah, that'll sound good.

• But what if the delivery guy knows I only ordered one dish and realizes I'm lying?

• Maybe I should've gotten the beef. What has more protein anyway, chicken or beef?

• If I had such a buff husband, wouldn't he get his own dish?

• Oh awesome, Google says chicken has more protein than beef!

• You know what, I'm going to use a real plate and cutlery tonight. Eating out of the delivery container is depressing. I'm a grown-ass adult.

• Alright, how do you defrost pita? Can it just go in the toaster oven?

• Ahh! My buzzer! My Pad Thai is here!

• I can barely hear what he's saying, should I just buzz him in anyway?

• Yeah, it's got to be my delivery guy. I'll buzz him in.

• Wait, I don't even have any clean plates. My sink is almost full. Oh god, I hope the delivery guy doesn't notice and pity me.

• Shoot. Now I have this toasty pita to eat but my Pad Thai is on its way up.

• It's been like 70 seconds since I buzzed him in, where is he?! Did I buzz in a stranger?!

• Oh the doorbell, phew.

• It's still raining, should I give him an extra cash tip?

• Are they allowed to take cash tips?

• OUCHHH. THIS GODDAMN PEBBLE.

BONUS: How Do You Pronounce "La Croix"?