【Ask Me What You Want (2024)】

At some point in social media history,Ask Me What You Want (2024) Twitter's grammar police officially crossed into grammar Nazi territory.

I'm not sure when it became socially acceptable to tell strangers that they used the incorrect version of "your." I don't know when we started caring so much about proper capitalization and dangling participles. I find it profoundly disturbing that people now look to Merriam-Webster as a moral authority.

SEE ALSO: Public service announcement: Stop! F*cking! Snitch tagging!

Back in my day, we mocked people who cared about grammar. I was roundly criticized every time I corrected a classmate for improperly using a colon in her science poster project. Group leaders would seethe when I corrected their spelling of "balloon" or expounded on the differences between "who" and "whom."

It wasn't cute. But, if nothing else, my classmates' critiques prevented me from becoming one of those people on Twitter who enjoys shaming random strangers about "it's" versus "its."

Via Giphy

Wow, someone used "they're" instead of "their" in a sentence? Sick burn, bro!

I'm a writer, so of course I like to see proper spelling and capitalization. But I'm also pretty aware that good grammar is mostly a consequence of good education. Teacher after teacher ripped apart my profoundly eloquent Pearl Jam album reviews in middle school, accusing me of passive voice. They taught me how to write about Jordan Catalano without sacrificing good syntax. I wasn't born into good grammar. I didn't get it from reading The Babysitter's Club series. R.L. Stine did f*ck all for me.

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Like many others, I was able to write "proper" English because everyone in my life forced proper English on me. I'm a product of good circumstance. That's it.

That's why it's painful to see so many folks tear down others on Twitter for failing to properly pluralize. At worst, these burns are classist and mean. At best, they're just lazy. There are so many good digs to be had in this dump, especially when one half the platform is throwing Keurigs out of windows to protect a conspiracy theorist, and the other thinks they can take down a president with Chrissy Teigen tweets and Voldemort GIFs. Can't we find more sophisticated ways to be awful on the internet?

Listen. It would be great if more Americans had access to a solid English education. Unfortunately, our school system is in shambles and we elected a for president who routinely sends out typo-riddled tweets. Shaming our reality show president for bad grammar and spelling does little to dissuade his most ardent supporters. In fact, a recent Boston Globe investigation found that the president's aides purposefully misspell some of the president's tweets to incite his detractors and make his base feel more comfortable.

Alas. Grammar-shaming isn't a new phenomenon. During the peak OkCupid era, one of the questions on site asked whether "spelling and grammar mistakes annoy you." Apparently, they do for a lot of people I'd never want to date in Brooklyn. Time after time I was complimented by my matches on my solid sentence structure -- the ultimate boner-killer, if I could get boners.

Via Giphy

It was remarkable to me how strongly people felt about grammar and cats and how little they cared about what matters most. (Tidiness! Interest in carbs! Also, uh, love.)

So the next time you're attacking someone on Twitter for their sadistic worldview, go after the meat of their argument, not their sporadic capitalization. Use your 280 characters wisely.

Their is nothing more worthy than you're Time: :its a fact.

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