【My Sex Doll Bodyguard (2020)】

There has been an awakening of Star Wars reviews. Have you felt it?My Sex Doll Bodyguard (2020)

At 12pm ET on Tuesday December 12, hardcore fans of the Star Wars franchise faced a choice as perilous as any Jedi. The Disney embargo for Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedidropped, and seemingly every news outlet across the planet rushed out their review at once.

But if you want, nay, needto experience every tiny surprise a new Star Wars movie has to offer, how can you read such a thing? Even if you're not entirely spoilerphobic, reviewers often get carried away in their nerdiness; who knows what they might reveal?

The Last Jediis especially difficult in this regard, because this is a film with so much going on. In my full review, I've taken care to avoid all of the film's many big spoilers and all plot details after the first 20 minutes of a film that lasts 151 minutes (but feels about half that long -- damn, it goes fast.)

Still, even that level of detail may be too much for some people -- which is why, for the third year running, I'm writing this entirely spoiler-free review to help you decide whether the latest Star Wars movie is for you.

TL;DR: It is. Just see it, as soon as appropriate.

To stay completely on the safe side, I'm not even going to bother naming any characters in this review. If you've followed entertainment news or picked up a magazine in the last year, chances are you could name someone in it.

Instead, I'm simply going to tell you how I felt after seeing The Last Jedi, which I have now done twice, and I'm going to make a scheduling suggestion:

If you're a hardcore Star Wars fan, you may need to plan to take some time off immediately after this movie; you may feel you have to walk off into the nearest wilderness for one, maybe two days. (Kidding! It could be weeks.) Bring water.

Immediately after the first viewing, when people asked me if The Last Jediwas good or bad, I couldn't respond. The very concept seemed meaningless. Was the truck that ran you over a good or bad truck? How was its MPG? Who cares: it ran you over.

On the second viewing, the truck hit me again, but at least I was expecting it this time. And I was able to see that this is a very good movie indeed. It triggers strong emotions and hard feelings, but also gasps of sheer delight and roars of laughter in multiple audiences. All human (and alien) life is here.

This is highly concentrated Star Wars juice; sip carefully.

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The surprisingly high number of moments of comic relief were just as funny the second time around. And just as necessary.

Does it have problems? Of course; what Star Wars movie doesn't. (Don't say Empire Strikes Backor I'll remind you of the oven mitt alien in the asteroid.) Clunky dialogue? Sure, but less than usual. Will it stir up controversy in the fandom? More than you might expect from something we've come to consider as a safe Disney franchise.

Director Rian Johnson, unlike his predecessor and successor J.J. Abrams, does not mess around. WithThe Last Jedihe has added significantly to the mythology of the Force, and made his mark on much else. You can look forward to some wonderful Force-based arguments over the holidays.

If you've been watching the trailers, rest assured that the beautiful visual framing in them is fully representative and no accident of editing. If you haven't been watching the trailers, rest assured that the trailers spoil very little; they contain a tiny amount of misleading editing.

Then again, Mark Hamill believes we should all go into the theater as unspoiled as possible, trailers included, and who am I to argue with Luke Skywalker?

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Assimilating the porg

Your only other concern may be on the porg front.

You've probably heard about the cutesy, giant-eyed puffin-like characters known as porgs, which have featured even more prominently in the social media buzz around the film as in its marketing and merchandising.

You may be concerned that this Disney-fies Star Wars too much, or you may be concerned that this is another case of the Ewoks -- or worse, the Gungans.

You should not be concerned. Porgs do not get a whole lot of screentime, but when they are on screen they are an adorable delight that it is impossible to hate. See the above statement about the necessity of comic relief.

Porgs do not outstay their welcome; quite the opposite. The same goes for the relatively large number of other adorable alien races and the relatively small amount of droids that appear in the film.

And now I've said too much, straying into spoiler territory by suggesting a vague number of droids. All that matters is: these arethe droids you're looking for.

Come back after you've seen the movie for further Mashableanalysis of its revelations. The Last Jediofficially opens this Friday, December 15.

Read our full The Last Jedireview here.